i'm dealing with it.

the problem with being a person who just "deals with it" is that you're the minority.
the problem with being a person who silently gets over things is that other people aren't.
the problem with being a person who isn't easily offended is that you don't know the rules.

so you learn the rules.

and then your shoes get worn out from tiptoeing everyone's feelings
and now you know how to not offend people
because heaven forbid that you should wake their upset heart
because that's when the true trouble begins

because most people aren't afraid to tell you when they're offended and that they aren't going to get over it unless this and this and this and this and you're always in the wrong but they never are because you never speak up even when they over speak up and you just can't because they just don't understand.

i don't understand either. but i love them.

and the problem with being a person who loves people enough to sidestep their tender feelings
is that you get pushed around and told what to do by other people's emotions, even if no one is speaking.
and even though they hurt you sometimes, you don't speak out.


but it's ok.

because you can just deal with it. you'll get over it. you aren't offended.


right?
wrong.

I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I understand. I'm sorry. 
I'm. Sorry.

apologies

little girl,

 i failed you.

i tried to warn you about the wolves

but i guess i forgot to warn you about me.

i just like you is all

i don't remember it feeling this lovely.
i don't remember it feeling this calm.
i don't remember it feeling this natural.
i don't remember it feeling this peace.
i don't remember it feeling this comfortable.
i don't remember it feeling this carefree.
i don't remember it feeling this way.


and maybe i just forgot what it felt like.
but either way...

i like the way this feels right now.

i thought i'd feel awful.
i've never felt more wonderful.

and i never thought i'd be arizona
but i'm finding that we breathe the same air,
you and i.

so please darling, don't let go of my heart
and i won't let go of your hand.


i don't know where this trail is leading... if anywhere at all
but i really like the view so far.

Dangerous Waters

Please tell me you don't think of me as much as I think of you.

Because that would cause complications.

I mean, I want you to think of me as much as I think of you...

But really, don't.

Please.



Well... Maybe a little. 

Aimlessly

This new world is expansive and confining.
Because while the world may not have fences, it possesses leashes
Yanking me back to my past state every time I attempt to run loose.

I'm upset and confused and nervous and restless and static.
And my heart feels like crying endlessly and pitifully
But my smile wants to shine and attract and brighten.

Simultaneously wanting to curl into quiet nothingness
And finally be alone
But also willing myself to burst into a thousand pieces
and wishing that maybe
possibly
hopefully
one of those pieces will be brought back to me by a kind soul.

Maybe a certain 6'5" soul with blonde hair.

But I don't want a piece of his heart.
No.
I just want a smile. A reassurance. A text. A laugh. A thumbs up on a hard day.

A friend.

But while wishing for that explosion
I crave Your steadiness, to make sure that all the pieces get put back.

Because maybe that 6'5" soul will bring back one piece,
But You know where all of the pieces go.
And I haven't forgotten that.
And I won't.
I promise.

But I don't know how to do this without You here,
And I'm beginning to worry that maybe
I wouldn't know how to do it even if You were.

terror and disney cliches

this little sparrow is about to jump out of the nest
and she's finally releasing her pride enough to say
that she's absolutely terrified.

there's no one to catch me at the bottom.
my hero has his arms tied behind his back
and unlike the marvel movies or scriptures
the ropes need to remain tight.

because while, like the aladdin to my jasmine,
You could show me the world...
You can't show me provo.
not yet.

because the reality of a whole new world
is that it has to be new
and it wouldn't be new if You caught me.

i suppose i simply must learn to fly

but with my own unsure wings
not with a carpet.

Wordflowers

Your words gaze at me with sepia eyes

filled with speckles of cornflower blue

dressed like a fleet of princes
all charm and pure gallantry

but hiding an innocent boy

innocent, yes, but not naive

we hopped that fence together long ago
with iced fairy smoke in our lungs
and snapshots of time painted on our cheeks in coral lipstick

maybe we ran too far away
hand in hand over the blooming flowerbeds
both looking too far ahead
to notice the dangerous stones directly below our soles

but Love, i loved that journey
as long as i don't have to walk back alone

but this isn't about that
this is about Your words
and how they're filled with speckles of cornflower blue

washing me with the hope of an eternal spring
after a world of winter