Aimlessly

This new world is expansive and confining.
Because while the world may not have fences, it possesses leashes
Yanking me back to my past state every time I attempt to run loose.

I'm upset and confused and nervous and restless and static.
And my heart feels like crying endlessly and pitifully
But my smile wants to shine and attract and brighten.

Simultaneously wanting to curl into quiet nothingness
And finally be alone
But also willing myself to burst into a thousand pieces
and wishing that maybe
possibly
hopefully
one of those pieces will be brought back to me by a kind soul.

Maybe a certain 6'5" soul with blonde hair.

But I don't want a piece of his heart.
No.
I just want a smile. A reassurance. A text. A laugh. A thumbs up on a hard day.

A friend.

But while wishing for that explosion
I crave Your steadiness, to make sure that all the pieces get put back.

Because maybe that 6'5" soul will bring back one piece,
But You know where all of the pieces go.
And I haven't forgotten that.
And I won't.
I promise.

But I don't know how to do this without You here,
And I'm beginning to worry that maybe
I wouldn't know how to do it even if You were.